Today marks one more week till surgery. I can't even begin to tell you how much anxiety I have, it's unreal. Have not had anxiety like this in years. I am worried and scared which is odd because all my surgeries I had that game face and went in at full force. Right now I am like what if they take out my uterus and there isn't endo? Even though I already know the answer, but still, giving up a huge part of me is a big deal. I have people saying I understand, which is nice but when you've never had a hysterectomy at 31 then you don't understand. It's a huge decision. Who even knows how bad everything is inside. I also worry that the pain may not go away and then I will regret having the surgery. It's hard putting my thoughts into words because to be honest I don't have many friends to talk to about this. Everything happens for a reason, I truly know that but I hope that this is the right reason. It's going to take me a while to heal both mentally and physically. I can't even watch the Johnson and Johnson commercial about babies without wanting to bawl my eyes out. I know inside this is whats right and my doctor is the most knowledgeable and noble man i've met. So let the countdown begin. It's in God's hands now. Take the wheel from here please, this anxiety is killing me.
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