Saturday, April 1, 2017

And it keeps coming back.

Well, as I knew deep down that my endo would come back, my gut was true. I also knew that my hormones were all over the place and that is because my endo has made its choice to hang out on my
Ovaries. Honestly, everything that was said to me in the last 24 hours is a blur. Bits and pieces flash forward around me and I'm left again with the pain inside my soul. My heart is shattered again. Here I go sweeping up the pieces. Surgery is a no. I can't put myself through another surgery.  I will find other ways to deal with the pain. This time is a bit scary, the dizzy spells, back pain, shooting pain down my legs, and other added bonuses. Some of which I've never experienced until now. For now my focus is on doing what I do best, pushing through the pain. I'm not this huge god person but I know there is a reason for all of this and I have yet to figure it all out, but I know he most likely knew that this was something I could handle. I just wish he would've waited until after I attempted to freeze my eggs. Which again, maybe he wanted me to adopt. I would've totally made some amazing babies in fairness. I am trying to be strong but when I am laying here alone in my dark room, that's when my thoughts start to wander. I've gone through this for a good part of my life I should be well versed in all of this. I just need to hang on tight.

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