My heart aches tonight for Allison. She was reaching out for help for some relief from this demon of endo and these doctors did NOTHING. So this warrior, this angel took her own life. How many more of us are going to do this? How many more will it take until someone does something. This disease is not a joke. These are people's lives! Compassion is needed for chronic illnesses. Education is needed and dedication. All we need is someone to listen and hear us. I am absolutely crushed. My heart can't take any more hurt.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Monday, June 12, 2017
Hey June
What a month! I barely know what to start with.
So, next month is my hyster-versary. It's been one year already! I wish I could say I'm doing okay but with the endo possibly back and the ovary not functioning plus a cyst it's been hard to swallow it all. This time around I'm refusing surgery, I'm going to do what I can without the cutting apart my insides. My doctor described endo as cancer. He said because it grows and spreads and endo has nerves and such. So crazy to see it like that. My mental state has changed so much this past year. I'm more open with everything and I say it like it is. I won't settle for less than I deserve in life and even if it means I will fly solo forever so be it. I know what I want and if they find me they find me. I'm not looking for someone to save me, I've saved myself many times. I just want someone to be real. That's the thing about pain, it changes everything.
I will say I'm grateful to those that have stuck around and been there for me. I am lucky for that. I am also grateful to be finally getting away. I may be a little self conscious about my fat ass in a bathing suit but whatever. I won't be seeing these people after vacation and to be honest I just want to get some sun, clear my head, flirt with some cute guys, and drink. I deserve that. So this time next week I will be sunning it up.. I will say life is getting there. Some speed bumps on the way but I keep on driving over those fuckers..
Let's see how the rest of the month rolls out.. keep it classy!
So, next month is my hyster-versary. It's been one year already! I wish I could say I'm doing okay but with the endo possibly back and the ovary not functioning plus a cyst it's been hard to swallow it all. This time around I'm refusing surgery, I'm going to do what I can without the cutting apart my insides. My doctor described endo as cancer. He said because it grows and spreads and endo has nerves and such. So crazy to see it like that. My mental state has changed so much this past year. I'm more open with everything and I say it like it is. I won't settle for less than I deserve in life and even if it means I will fly solo forever so be it. I know what I want and if they find me they find me. I'm not looking for someone to save me, I've saved myself many times. I just want someone to be real. That's the thing about pain, it changes everything.
I will say I'm grateful to those that have stuck around and been there for me. I am lucky for that. I am also grateful to be finally getting away. I may be a little self conscious about my fat ass in a bathing suit but whatever. I won't be seeing these people after vacation and to be honest I just want to get some sun, clear my head, flirt with some cute guys, and drink. I deserve that. So this time next week I will be sunning it up.. I will say life is getting there. Some speed bumps on the way but I keep on driving over those fuckers..
Let's see how the rest of the month rolls out.. keep it classy!
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