1925..

Today was an emotional day. We took my Pepere out for his birthday dinner. He will be 92 tomorrow. He still drives and takes care of my uncle that is mentally retarded. Looking at him, I could see how old and frail he is. I know that he isn't going to be around forever and I just wanted to cry seeing him. 1925 was the year he was born, and my dad's mom. My grandmother passed in 2003, which is easy for me to remember because I graduated 3 month's after she passed and I think of her every single day. Day's like today are precious because those days you can't get back. I regret not spending as much time as I could with my grandmother. I wish I paid more attention when she was around instead of just grumbling that we had to drive to see her. That's why today I was fortunate to see my Pep. I pushed all my problems and B.S to the side because family is important. Happy Birthday Pep. I hope you are around for many more birthdays.

Sorry not sorry

The title should speak for itself but you aren't a blogger with just a headline and nothing in the body of the post so here we go.

I have been a moody, miserable, bitch lately. Yes lately. Many are probably saying it's been like that forever but hey that's your opinion so go for it. I am not going to apologize for it. I would've hoped to have my life back after it being destroyed at 22, but unfortunately I now have to see a doctor in New York who is skilled in advanced endometriosis. I honestly love Dr. Kip and I am thankful for him everyday and he is a skilled surgeon but right now my endometriosis has taken over vital organs (I don't have too many of those left, LOL), and I need to figure out what to do. I am scared because I know what the outcome is and with the outcome faces many challenges financially and emotionally. I will do what I can to get my life back I am still somewhat young and I know I am a warrior and I must fight. It is just incredibly hard when I have to face the potential of being out of work unpaid and such. We don't pay into TDI and because I have a "pre-existing" condition I can't get TDI on my own. I know I am thankful to have parents that could help me out but I don't want them to. They do enough. So that's an issue weighing me down and the whole toll that surgery takes on the body. I have done well prior surgeries but I'm afraid for this one. I worry that my body won't handle it and the cat's will be homeless living on the street. So yes I will not apologize for being moody. It's tough because I don't take my pain meds, I try to handle it without it, and right now I can't eat without getting sick. So I know that meeting with Dr. Seckin may be my Hail Mary. So I'm not sorry for acting this way, this is my life..