15 days

I am 15 days away from my 7th surgery in my lifetime. 4 just for endometriosis. Now 4 becomes 5. There are many women that have had more. I want this to be my last. I am praying that this will be my last. I remember my first surgery vaguely. I wasn't really scared I just went about the motions. The same feelings for the rest of them, I just walked in and did what I had to. This one however is different. I am afraid of dying. I was filling out my health care proxy, and it said burial or cremation? I said to myself,do I want to be on a mantle or in the ground? Then came the feeding tube questions. I've never in my life had a health care proxy. But this surgery is going to be huge. I won't lie that I'm scared. I trust my doctor more than anything and I know I'm in good hands. Also there is the mindset of healing. This time I'm out of work without pay. Which stresses me out financially. I want to push myself to get better as fast as I can but I did that last time around and went back too soon. So much to think of. It's in gods hands for sure. Just take the wheel and make me better. I'm sick of being sick!