Trust

 When it comes to trust I have a hard time believing that word. Whether it’s in relationships, medically, friendship, and even myself. I think I started to look away from that  when doctors would give me different stories and treatment that was un related to endometriosis.   I would’ve been OK with an ‘I don’t know what is going on with you’. I feel like that I don’t know what is going on with you flows through everything else. My past relationships where the same way. I stayed in these verbally and mentally abusive relationships because  I thought that’s what love is and who else is going to find me attractive and who else is going to put up with me. It wasn’t until my ex “fiancé “if you would even call that cheated on me and still I’m sure this day he will deny it. I was never the same after that. No matter how many people tell you to let it go it’s hard to let go of something that was that traumatic.  All I ever wanted was him to admit that he cheated. Yes I know that was 10 years ago but how hard is it to tell the truth. I will say that experience made me not put up with bullshit  made me not settle.

Just like endometriosis and doctors. I didn’t settle until I found a good team of doctors that actually knew what I was talking about. Like currently, I was referred to a doctor for an endoscopy and I soon as I called to see if they got the fax for the referral the lady was  very rushed and didn’t really want to communicate with me.  Told me I guess you have to wait until June. No worries lady I will take my business someplace else.  Like I said why settle? I will not settle for shitty relationships and shitty doctors.   Even when you’re tired and frustrated try to let go and trust and believe. It’s not easy who even knows if I’ll ever cut the chain. But one things for sure, I deserve everything.