Relationships.. Lack of

Relationships aren't easy, especially when you throw a disease that has no cure and endless flareups in the mix. When it comes to my life and the long journey of broken hearts, it never really became complicated till the men I dated focused on my lady parts instead of my heart. Of course I was naive back then and was afraid of losing the person I was with so I tried... too hard for sure. It all comes down to do we really need someone just to feel alright in our own skin? That was my blanket for many years. It wasn't until I was with someone that took my kindness for granted many many times that I saw that I was being taken advantage and I was in fact scared to be alone. I was broken down so many times and it took me breaking down and finding the truth (thank you God for that) that I left and never looked back.

I may have been flying the solo wagon for a few years and I have to say that when I date someone and get that feeling, then I trust my gut. Why settle for someone just because you think that things will change? No thank you. I also think pain changes you, being torn apart and well literally flipped almost upside down (hysterectomy humor) changes the way you feel. I may have the worst self confidence ever and pretty much can't stand what I see in the mirror most days but I know that one day when I do find my person, that I won't need them to validate me. What I want is someone that will inspire me, and be there when there are the days that I can't get out of bed, or run and heat up one of the many microwavable heating pads I have. I hope that one day I get the happiness I so deserve because I know I deserve that. Everyone deserves to be loved, to have someone that puts you at the top of their world because that is where you belong.