Saying goodbye is never easy

Today was not an easy day. To make such a hard decision like putting down something you love more than anything was the most difficult thing i've had to go through, and i've been through many difficult things. Slob (pumpkin) has been there for me from day one. Not too many people can understand that. Being that I can't have children of my own, he was like my child. He was more spoiled than I was. It is going to be difficult to not wake up seeing him at the foot of my bed or having him and max beat eachother up. Life isn't easy that's for sure.

What's Happening..

Lots have happened since my last post. I finally have my Bachelor's degree. FINALLY. I have decided to continue my education and now I am getting my Master's in CJ in Public Administration. This is only because I want to make myself more marketable when apply for jobs, as well as deferring my loans ($700 a month is too much!) and well, I honestly want to reach my goals. Education is important, it's expensive but important.

After graduation I took a solo trip to Orlando. I wish I stayed down there. I could venture in all the parks and just get lost in it all. I really never wanted to come back. One aha moment I had down there was the fact that I was too hard on myself. I know my worth and I also know that I am a good person and with that said, I am not perfect by ANY means. I make mistakes more than I want to but NO one is perfect. I have just thrown all the bullshit and negativity away. It was starting to make my anxiety and depression out of control. Having to come home from work and cry and ask myself is this worth it because I was sick and tired of making mistakes. I am not sure when the switch flipped but now I toss it into the fuck it bucket and move on. I can't let that bother me any longer. Again I know my worth. What matters is I put my heart and soul into everything I do, and those that notice and understand me will agree and those that don't well, I will pray for you because Ya'll need Jesus. I am soooo DONE with people trying to tell me how to feel or make me feel guilty for being who I am or judging me. First off there is nothing to judge, everything I have surrounding me I have worked for and I was blessed and I am grateful to have. It is a sad world when you have to defend your every move. Thankfully, that aha moment I had turned that switch right off. I no longer let myself get upset over things. I just put it all in God's hands. So I guess that's what's happening. Just me doing me, getting by, keeping true friends close that have always been there for me and just living my life..


CIAO