Monday, October 8, 2018

What Endo Feels Like

The question that many have asked me is what does endometriosis feel like? Well I feel that everyones body is different and something that I feel may feel different to another woman suffering with this incurable disease. When I first felt the pain, I was about 11 or 12. I know I was very young. When I had my period it was unbearable, I couldn't sit or stand or lay down. The only thing that worked was rocking. I would sit and rock with my heating pad. No types of medication would touch it. This pain was constant even without my period. After my first and second lap, the pain I would tell my doctors is that Edward Scissor Hands was inside my body, some women describe it as barbed wire. To me, it felt like someone dragging metals objects inside my entire reproductive system. The few months prior to my hysterectomy my doctor was switching out my IUD and he was placing the new one in and it mimicked that same exact pain that I felt but 10 times worse. That was adenomyosis which is why I chose to have the hysterectomy. If I still had my uterus I could swear to you that I would've killed myself. Honestly. That pain was so bad. Now even without a uterus or cervix, the pain comes and goes, and its daily. Some days are bad and some days aren't. There are times where I'm curled up in a ball rocking to stop the pain. I haven't been sleeping lately, that's my new thing, when I sleep I get this jab on my lower left side and it sends chills up my body. It feels almost like someone put me in an electric chair and turned on the power for a few seconds.

Like I said, everyones pain is different and maybe some are the same, but we are all made different and my minor day of pain could be a debilitating day for someone else. As I am sitting here Indian style typing this, I feel the pain pulsating on my left side. That is where my left ovary is twisted and embedded in the disease. I know it will get worse but for now I have to do what I do best, and that's smile through the pain and hope that maybe this pain will go away, that maybe tomorrow someone will come up with a cure.

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