The struggle is real

It is never easy to just calm down and take a breath even when my Apple Watch goes off constantly reminding me to breathe every hour. I am so overwhelmed lately because I’m trying to do it all between being alone on my shift and it’s been so crazy and trying to get my homework done that I’m ready to have a breakdown. I’m the type of person that puts 110% into everything even if it goes unnoticed because that’s just who I am. I don’t work for the accolades, I do it because I hustle. But even with all of that I’ve started getting anxious again. Like right now I can feel my heart racing and I can barely catch my breath. Add that to my list this week of issues. The struggle is real. It’s a constant battle every single day, and I think what adds to my anxiety is having to explain myself and explain this disease. Some people complain they have headaches or they just don’t feel well, well guess what your headaches go away. Think of endometriosis as the flu, but this flu is constant and there is no medicine for it. Think of that fatigue, every single day. Think of the fever and pain every day. That’s endometriosis among various other symptoms. Think of having something inside your body sticking to other organs and when it does it causes havoc on your entire system. There are days I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. Especially because now it’s messing with my GI system. My entire GI system is inflamed and I can’t bare to have another surgery yet alone afford another surgery, but I can’t live like this. I can’t. I’ve gone through this from the age of 11 just think about that for a minute. I’m sure you would feel the same way. And when people say they are sorry, please don’t. I don’t want your sympathy. I’ve gotten this far alone and it’s just another stupid hurdle to jump. What I want is for those that can’t say anything nice to keep their opinions to themselves and those that want to care then don’t feel sorry just understand that this is a battle with no ending. This disease could kill me because it just is like a weed and it just keeps growing. So even though I fake a smile and pretend life is amazing, because yes I am blessed to still be here, but just know that smiles hide the pain. I’m not sure how much more I can take but just know this, I’m trying and the struggle is real.