Getting me back

I am just going to say it.... depression sucks. I literally didn't want to get out of bed yesterday and called out of work because my entire brain and body was just shut off to everything. I can count on my hands the times I've been depressed and it normally happens after surgery when my hormones are acting up and trying to get themselves in check. I just feel like I am drowning in every aspect of my life. I've been working alone for almost a year and I have being doing the job of two people and it gets very overwhelming at times so there is that small part. Then financially I wasn't expecting all of these added medical bills for things that my health insurance didn't deem necessary. Financially I make it by I do my best and yes there is overtime at work bla bla but it's hard to work like a maniac when your body is exhausted after putting in the 40 hours already. That is one thing people don't understand. I had someone say well I have IBS and this and that. Okay understood. But have you ever heard about a disease that takes over you body and everyday it's fighting itself and you are just trying to function with no clear end in sight?? didn't think so. I bet if I let a few of them borrow my body for a few days they wouldn't complain about their minor issues. Yes I am being a bitch but it gets exhausting trying to explain it when people couldn't give a shit.

I am also trying to balance all of this with having a boyfriend that I love beyond words. I don't like to verbally complain because I know that he works 10x harder than me and he doesn't complain he just goes about his day. And I want to be that rock for him and put my issues aside. The distance kills me thats for sure but he really is that calm to all the chaos that my life is going through right now. I think my issue is I try too much and I try to make everything be perfect when I should let things fall into place. I also am so damn impatient. I will say that waking up and knowing I have him in my life does make going through this a little better, also my friends. My two very very best friends that have talked me off several ledges so many times that I can count. I may have two friends that are there when I need them granted they live far as hell, but the keep me laughing. I just wish I could take a mental time out from life for like a week in Cabo.....I know the old me will be back and that this is only temporary but for fuck sake I need a new damn body.