I feel so drained lately. Life has been a struggle. I have decided to get weight loss surgery so that has taken up a lot of my mind. Work has been a struggle lately. People have taken my kindness as a weakness. They underestimate me for sure, but little do they know that I have been underestimated my entire life. I was always known in school as "Ari's sister". Even when I interviewed at the PD I was known as "her sister". Well as I stare at my degree in front of me at work it has my name on it and no one else. I struggle so much when it comes to putting my heart and soul into work. What people do not realize is I am checking my e-mail after hours, trying to make sure everything runs smoothly, I stay late and I do whatever I can. When I first started in this position I did a SWAT analysis to see what was working and what wasn't. I also knew that becoming a manager was going to be a change for me but I have learned from many of my past supervisors to know what works and what doesn't work. It is SO DIFFICULT to not fall apart. Like today, stuff on my desk was rearranged and my drink mix was missing. It may seem like no big deal but I know someone is testing me and trying to out smart me. The old Allie would probably breakdown and react. But I have gone through enough shit in my life that you can't break me.
I am smart and I am resilient. I may not have all my ducks in a row but I have worked my ass off to get to where I am. Nothing was EVER handed to me. My parents have supported me when it comes to being there for me mentally and such but they didn't pay for my school, I did and still am. So game on. I am not the same person I was. But one thing for sure is, you touch my shit we are going to have a lot of problems.
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