Alive

Seventeen years ago I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. I was 21 years old at the time. It took me 7 years to get the actual answer to many of my "ailments". That is 7 years too long to be honest. My symptoms first started when I was about 11/12. I know I started my period young. It wasn't so much the heavy periods that did me in, it was never being able to have a tampon fit comfortably, it was the GI symptoms that literally became an everyday occurrence. 

Doctor wise at that age, it was pediatrician based where I was placed on birth control pills and some dissolving pill to take when I experienced the GI symptoms and severe cramping. I think it was the whole being dismissed that has followed me into my adulthood to be honest. To think about how many doctors I had to see and how many I trusted that overwhelms me to be honest. I think I was on every brand of birth control pill throughout my life until my partial hysterectomy. 

The first surgery is sort of a blur, the second as well. I just know the pain came back worse each time post op. That was due to ablation. Something to which back in my early twenties was the proper standard of care. 

My first excision surgery was around the age of 25 where it took almost seven hours to excise and unstick my parts due to everything adhering to my body thanks to the mess of ablation. Following suit to that surgery, I had my partial hysterectomy at 30. A choice that wasn't easy however I knew it had to be made due to adenomyosis. The pain returned and 2/3 years later, another surgery. This time my ureter was bent and embedded in the disease. I had a stent placed for a few weeks. Something I won't ever forget. That pain was horrible. Then 2/3 years again, my left ovary was stuck to my bowel. Every time the surgeon would try and stitch it out of the way my body would go into bradycardia. (good times). Now here I am at 37, heading back to my excision specialist yet again for answers. As much as I don't want to have another surgery, my quality of life, my mental health, my entire life is just unbearable. The GI symptoms have never gone away. I have had endoscopies and colonoscopies, MRIs, Ultrasounds, Pelvic Therapy, Regular Physical Therapy. I did everything as I was supposed to but yet here we are. Trust me I am grateful to be alive and to be able to push through the pain daily but there comes a point where I want my life back. 

I may never be where I want to be and I am okay with that. I have lived with this disease long enough so I know how to block it out but when is enough enough??